Monday, June 30, 2014

7 ++++

On Monday, June 30, 2014

hi mom. im so tired. ridiculously tired. i need a break haha but i dont deserve one. we had to move and we have been living in my old house in deportiva sleeping on mattresses on the floor for 2 weeks. and we havent found a houes bc rght now there are 5 missionaries in espejo. me and magana, knowles and reidelbach and suazo. and we havent found the right house and we are basically at teh point of giving up on that one. but deportiva is like 10 or 15 minutes from our area so we take so many taxis and use up a lot of money. im also running a bit low on enthusiasm lately bc my companion has been in this same area for 7 and a half months, and she has had 6 baptisms, so i think shes pretty much out of energy and ready for a change ya know. but its sucky cuz shes the senior companion and i try to be like no lets do this or lets do that but it always comes off super bossy. then i feel bad cuz i say things out of my exhaustion and my lack of enthusiasm. there are a lot of good people that we can teach and baptize, but its difficult rght now. and the ward still doesnt support us all that much but expect us to be visiting families so theyre like oh good you visited that less active family this week? perfect that means we dont have to. they dont say that, but its basically what they mean. but i feel bad cuz we arent baptizing like we hsould be. but im still happy! im living with hermana weaver! and we see manuel a lot and hes always way excited to see me and hna weaver and her companion are all jealous that he likes me better than them haha its super funny. but im just like whatever get me out of here i dont wana be in that house or in that area! its in the past ya know? its like hey thats not my area, so lets focuz on my area better. i was studying conference talks in the ensign and i want to share parts that i thought our family could hear. or at least my parents:

"scripture study, family preayer, and FHE are the very practices that help take away stress, give direction to our lives, and add protection to our homes. then, if challenges strike, we can petition the lord for help and expect great guidance from the spirit, knowing that we have done what our Father has asked us to do..we can all begin now. If our children are older and refuse to join us, we can start with ourselves. As we do, the influence of the spirit will begin to fill our homes and our lives and, over time, children may respond"

(the talk about a christ centered home and pornography, by a lady from yw´s presidency)

so dont worry if my sisters are angered by the simple things, or arent doing things as perfectly as they could. they dont understand nor do they have the tesimonies that you and dad have. i was the same. i listened and read, but i didnt understand. i understand now. its like a completely new religion. i would be beating myself up so bad right now if i didnt serve a mission. im going to come back with a tesimony double as strong but most of the people are us are going to be the same. and its hard for me to see people suffer that are allowing themselves to suffer. and i cant force anyone to do anything. but the spirit can compell people to do everything. im always happy, dont worry about me. just stressed and upset about the things i wish i could do but cant. faith is neverending. if we really want something or want something to happen, we will pray for it with a predetermined knowledge that we may not receive it for a while, and maybe not even in this life. but we know we will receive it if we are obedient. because God keeps his promises, but ONLY if we keep ours. so keep striving always with a perfect brightness of hope. 

build more firmly
treasure more completely
follow more diligently
embrace more deeply

i love you with all my heart, and my family is the most important thing to me in the entire world. i will forever be asking forgiveness to my family and to my Father in Heaven for all the time i wasted and all the times i acted out against you or my family in times of momentary anger. unreasonable anger that was a very clear sign of my lack of a testimony and my lack of self discipline, as well as my lack of understanding of the atonement of our savior Jesus Christ. but i know now. and ill never stop doing all i can to understand it better and explain it in full detail to those that need to hear it. so dont let yourself be stressed about the little things. your children will come around. they can only be changed through examples and through their own efforts and desires. your prayer and your obedience brings about the blessings of God into your own home. like Alma the younger. when the angel appeared to him, he said that he was only coming to Alma to make him realize his faults and his mistakes because of the prayers and the faith of his family and his people, not for his own sake. then it was of course up to him to regain confidence in himself and in the entire city. but his testimony was strengthened and his eyes were opened.

dont doubt that i am able to see countless miracles every single day, and my prayers are more fervent than ever. im ridiculously tired, but it doesnt matter. now is my only time to be a true witness of the many miracles and grace of the Lord. i want more than anything for all of my siblings to serve missions. i thought i was so great and knew everything, but im almost ashamed of the person i was before. and still see things in myself now that i have always possessed that i wish to change. but im the only one that can change them. my main worry is that my family may not be receiving all of the many blessings that they deserve, which are just at their fingertips. so do all you can to be exactly obedient to the commandments of God. and if you read the book of mormon, it will help you to change and refine your thoughts and tesimony concerning each and every commandment and its importance. there isnt a single one that is more important that another. stay safe, and always pray for and be worthy of the companionship of the holy ghost. fill your life so fully with the gospel and all things concerning it so that satan will never even have a chance to step in and control you. 
i love you and miss you so much
and im really really sad that im missing fourth of july. more than any other holiday including my birthday. really sad. meh. stay safe PLEASE. tell my family i say hello. im cc'ing this to my dad. thank you for everything you have ever said to me or ever done for me. 

love always,

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